"I MARRIED A MAN JUST TO PROTECT MY LESBIAN PARTNER" - MARRIED LESBIAN

Posted by on
In China, the pressure for young women to get married is huge. So what do you do if you are a gay woman? Ou Xiaobai, a 32-year-old living in Beijing, describes how a marriage of convenience helps her please her family and preserve her freedom.
I want to protect and be with my girlfriend for my entire life. And that's why I married a man in 2012.

At that time I was living a happy life with my girlfriend in Beijing. But I was under constant pressure from my family - who lived in Dalian - to get married.

Ironically my situation would have been easier a decade ago. Then there was less awareness of homosexuality and therefore less suspicion.

My parents kept asking me if I was seeing anyone. And the situation got worse after my father passed away, because my mother - concerned that I didn't seem to have settled down with anyone - started coming to live with me for a few months every year.

Realizing there was no way that I could avoid the issue, I went to my friends for help - and that's how I got to know about "marriages of convenience".

I met my husband through a friend. He is a very nice man. Just like me and my girlfriend, he has been with his boyfriend for many years and has not come out. 
'I knew I had made the right decision'

At our wedding my girlfriend was my bridesmaid, make-up artist and wedding dress consultant.

She was very happy and supportive of my decision, as was my husband's boyfriend. Despite being brought together by necessity, the four of us got on well and decided the details of the weddings together.

It gets very tricky if other family members live in the same city - a surprise visit could easily reveal the truth

After seeing how happy my family were at my wedding, I knew I had made the right decision. Only in this way can we satisfy everyone's needs - my family is happy to know that there will be someone looking after me when they die, and my husband no longer gets encouraged by his colleagues to go on dates with women.

At first my husband and I visited our families together during traditional holidays such as the Spring Festival and I would be at his side at work gatherings.

But in the last couple of years, now that our families and colleagues believe we have settled down, we rarely have to act as a real couple.

I live with my girlfriend and he lives with his boyfriend. The four of us go for dinner sometimes as we have become good friends.

After I got married, friends who knew my sexuality started asking me for advice. That's when my girlfriend and I realized that there are many people who are in desperate need of help.

Not only the 70 million homosexual people in China, but also the millions of heterosexual women who risk ending up married to homosexual men.

So we set up a service on social media called iHomo. Over the course of a year, we organised more than 80 events, helping to form 100 marriages of convenience. And now we are working on an iHomo app.

However I do understand that for many, a marriage of convenience could be the beginning of a nightmare. It gets very tricky if other family members live in the same city - a surprise visit could easily reveal the truth of their marriages. In these cases, setting up another home with shared amenities is crucial, but obviously keeping that up can get very tiring.

Added to the pressure is the constant question: "When will you two have a child?" If the male and female "couple" go ahead with methods such as IVF, then there comes the question - should the biological parents raise the child? If so, then the "couple" would have to live together. It just gets too complicated!Image captionDespite being married to a man in China, Ou (right) got married to Yi in Las Vegas in September

We have managed to skirt the children question so far. Right now we are focusing on finding a husband for my girlfriend.

I believe Chinese society will eventually become more tolerant

Although she came out to her parents when she was in high school and we visit them every weekend, we understand their fear that other family members and friends might find out her sexual orientation, especially her grandmother who is desperate for her to get married.

Sooner or later, because I don't do everything I could to keep it a secret, my family will find out the truth. But I believe Chinese society will eventually become more tolerant towards the LGBT community and it will be easier for my mother to accept my sexuality in the future. I do want my family to accept the real me.

My girlfriend and I want to help society understand us better, but being loud and aggressive might not be the best strategy. We want to use marriages of convenience as a pragmatic way to ease the conflict so that homosexuals can live the life they want. We know how extremely difficult it will be, but we will fight for what we believe in and keep going forward.

Comments

Post a Comment

Drop your comments. Thank you

NOW ON SALE WORLDWIDE!!!!!! THE FOUR STONES - The Battle of the Four Realms - BY UCHECHUKWU DANIEL

MORE COMMUNITY HEADLINES

Image

1000 SUV TAXIS LAUNCHED IN LAGOS STATE

Lagos State Governor, Mr. Babajide Sanwo-Olu cuts the tape, flanked by the Deputy Governor, Dr. Obafemi Hamzat (right), Commissioner for Transportation, Dr. Federic Oladeinde (left) and others during the formal launch of 1000 Cars for Lagos Ride Taxi Scheme, at the Sports Ground, Lagos House, Alausa, Ikeja, on Wednesday, 23 March 2022. The Lagos State Government has launched a new taxi scheme with 1,000 brand-new GAC-branded cars. The scheme, codenamed ‘Lag Ride’, was launched at a ceremony held at the State House in Alausa on Wednesday. According to a statement signed by the Chief Press Secretary to the Lagos Government, Gboyega Akosile, the ride-hailing taxi initiative, which is being operated on a lease-to-own basis, is a component of the state government’s multimodal transportation blueprint being executed under the Traffic Management and Transportation pillar of the THEMES agenda of the Sanwo-Olu administration. The initiative is a partnership between Lagos State-owned IBILE Holdi
Image

PHOTO: LORAL INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL WINS 2017 AFRICA TOP SCHOOL AWARD

AFRICA Brands Review, an integrated marketing service company, has named Loral International Schools (LIS), Lagos & Osun States, as winner of “2017 Africa Top Schools Award (Platinum Category), as one of the top 10 schools in the country, and one of the best international schools in Africa. The award, it was disclosed, stems from among other things, the school’s ratings in the 2017 West African Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination (WASSCE) results. To arrive at this, the firm said it compared how secondary schools across the country performed, and thereafter rated the top 1, 000 schools. It was after this that it bestowed the award in May 2017 on LIS. The events brochure of the Africa Top 1, 000 School Award is to be distributed to embassies of various Africa countries and libraries of institutions of higher learning and blue chip companies. Free copies are to be sent to all participating schools on the continent. “We didn’t apply for any
Image

NIGERIA PRISON SERVICE RESPONDS TO FRAUDULENT MINDS

It has come to the notice of the authorities of the Nigerian Prison Service that some unscrupulous syndicates are going about with fake contract documents relating to prisons ration and gas supply as well as fake appointment letters into the service. The Nigerian Prisons Service hereby issues this notice: That the NPS does not sell contract documents whether for ration/gas supply or other services to prospective contractor(s) and could not have authorized any individual or organization inside or outside the service to do so on its behalf. That the service does not use agents(s), syndicate(s) or private individual(s) to carry out recruitment of personnel into the service and does not sell recruitment form to job seekers.   The Nigerian Prison Service therefore wishes to disassociate itself from illicit dealings and shall be held liable for any such transaction with fraudsters masquerading as agents working for or on behalf of the NPS. Whoever engages in any form of business or t
Image

WORLD'S OLDEST MAN DIES AT 116 IN SOUTH AFRICA

                   Fredie Blom - seen here on his 116th birthday - said there was no special secret to his longevity A South African who was thought to be the oldest man in the world has died at the age of 116. Fredie Blom's identity documents showed he was born in Eastern Cape province in May 1904, although that was never verified by Guinness World Records. When he was a teenager, his entire family was wiped out by the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic. He went on to survive two world wars and apartheid. Mr Blom told the BBC in 2018 that there was no special secret to his longevity . "There's only one thing - it's the man above [God]. He's got all the power. I have nothing. I can drop over any time but He holds me," he said. Mr Blom spent most of his life as a labourer - first on a farm and then in the construction industry - and only retired when he was in his 80s.   Fredie Blom's identity documents list his date of birth as 8 May 1904 Although he gave up drinki
Image

11 PASSENGERS ESCAPE MOTOR ACCIDENT ON LAGOS-IBADAN EXPRESWAY

  By Jesusegun Alagbe and Oluwatosin Omojuyigbe Eleven people escaped death by a whisker on Wednesday after a Honda CR-V Sport Utility Vehicle ran into an 18-seater commercial bus on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.  The accident occurred close to the headquarters of Punch Nigeria Limited in Magboro, Ogun State.