Hi, Nothing could have made me miss Omo’s wedding last week in Ilesha, Osun State, South-West, Nigeria. Those who know her would know why it was a must for some of us, her childhood friends.
Her story is a testimony and inspiration for those waiting on the Lord for a miracle. It was a small but classy event, dinning and clinking of glasses, sweat drenched dancing and singing, we had great fun till late into the night. For Omo as we fondly call her, it was a day worth every second of the long wait. I got her consent to share her story shortly before the wedding. As you read, may God meet you at your point of need too..
“At my age, some of my friends are already grandmothers. But I would soon be a bride and beginning a whole new life. At 49, it’s been a long time coming, but God knows best because He created us and is the author and finisher of our fate. Not man, not the enemy and not even us. I am believing in God that this time next year, I will hold my own baby too. The Lord who provided a husband would provide a child too.
I am also happy that my parents are alive to witness and share in my joy. My mother gave up on me a long time ago, in fact, everyone had written me off until now. Nobody thought I would ever marry. Growing up, one would have thought that marriage would be paramount on my mind because of my mother’s fixation with the institution. My mother married my father at the age of 18 but she had just two of us.
She says it was not by choice, but for the fact that she was always having miscarriages. At a very early age, she began counselling me on the need to find a good man and marry early, so that I could give her grandchildren as soon as possible. In retrospect, I believe I started resenting marriage from that point. By the time I got to the university, I just wanted to have a boyfriend and enjoy myself like any young person would. I was not worried about getting married because I believed that it would come naturally. Besides, I had my own plans about marriage, who I wanted to marry and how it would take place.
I had my dream man. A tall, handsome, rich and very sociable guy, because I am an extrovert too. But top on the list was that I would never be a second wife. I had graduated at 22, served the NYSC and at 25 had secured my first job at an Insurance company from where I moved into banking. Life was good and I was enjoying it. I did not really start giving things a serious thought until I’d crossed the ‘great 30 years’ and I still had not met someone I considered suitable.
Many of the guys I dated did not fall into my classification of a husband. Looking back, I did not understand why I dated them in the first place. And I had quite a number of them. As a rule, those that fitted my mother’s profile of a good husband were never considered as I did not want to live by her standards.
Unfortunately, the few I really liked did not reciprocate my feelings. So, as time ticked away, I found myself still searching while many of my friends were already having their second or third babies. Eventually, I realized that the older I became, the more difficult it was to find a husband. Many of the guys my age prefer to marry younger girls. They don’t want the older ladies because they think they are already damaged and condemned goods.
It’s like, if you are not a virgin, at 30 and above, how come none of those men you’ve dated did not marry you? Two reasons, it is either the men did not consider you a wife material, or you could not submit yourself to the authority of a man. Then, they start to insult you by laying all manner of conditions and its usually about money and pregnancy. Many think that older women will have problems conceiving a child since they might have messed up prior.
This is something that gets the raw side of me. Is it not God that gives children? How do you determine who will or will not have children after marriage? Even virgin brides do have delays. I just wanted someone I would like considerably and who would be ready to marry me unconditionally, regardless of what his family or friends may think. By the time I turned 40, I was forced to move out of the house as I was convinced that my mother already despised me. All I could see was bitterness in her eyes whenever she looked at me. I ensured that she lacked for nothing, yet she was not happy with me. We’d fought uncountable number of times over the years on the same issue, disowning and reclaiming me as her child severally. When she became convinced I would never marry, she began begging me for a grandchild. Just get a baby.
Any lunatic could father it for all she cared. My younger brother had given her a grandchild by one of his girlfriends and ran away to America because of her troubles. On my case, she would go from one church to another, fasting, praying and doing all sorts. Initially, I was unfazed by everything, but after an unpleasant and humiliating encounter with a former boyfriend, I decided it was time I gave her a chance to assist me. At the time, I had just met this guy who obviously had all the qualities I wanted. He was 42 and I, 36 and we both had great jobs. The problem was that he had a roving eye and all the ladies also loved him. Only he loved himself more. So, I gave her his name and the other things required. She took me to a man whom she said was introduced to her by a friend as one who could perform wonders.
But after spending about N170,000 and eating something that looked like a cooked rat, the guy bade me goodbye to marry a young girl he’d sponsored to America for a Masters Degree. It was humiliating, but the man had excuses for what happened. It was either the guy or the young girl was very spiritually strong. The man assured me that I would soon find another guy, if only I could perform a spiritual cleansing of my head and follow his instructions first. Normally, someone must be fingered as being responsible for my situation and the obvious culprit just had to be someone close to us. The man assured us that after the ritual, I will have men queuing for my hand. He said as soon as I meet three men that I like, I should bring their names so that he can check them spiritually to pick the one we should concentrate on.
But this was not to be because I did not see the admirers he talked about. Instead, I kept meeting married ones, old and young. He would have collected more if I’d allowed my mother to cajole me much longer. Once you have a problem, that is where your weakness will be. So, another time, I allowed a friend to take me to another spiritualist. It was a white garment church. My friend at the time was married but yet to have a child. And after four years, her in-laws were becoming cold towards her even though her husband kept assuring her of his love. So, she was gathering experience in that terrain. After the prophet finished praying for us, he told me that wicked people from my father’s family were behind my problem. We will begin the work with spiritual cleansing. First, he would prepare some potions with which I will have a bath, drink, eat and even rub on my body. The bath will be the final cleansing before the prayers for husband could begin.
I think he charged about N15,000,00 for everything. My second visit was to collect the potions and the third would be the spiritual bath. On the set date for the bath, I had to go alone since my friend did not have an appointment with him. He had other visitors, so he asked me to wait as my own was a special case and he wanted to supervise by himself. I was happy. Finally, he was through and they all left. He turned to me and began praying fervently into the water and sponge that I would use for the holy bath. I felt so impressed by the prayers that I was also moved by the spirit. At that moment, I had no doubt in my mind he was a man of God.
Then I went for the bath. Prior to this, he had told me that we would be going to a nearby stream for this bath, but I had refused, insisting that I could not take a bath in a public place where anyone I know could seen me. So, he agreed that I could have the bath at the church premises as long as the water for the bath touched the earth. After my bath, he told me that I had to rub my body with something he had prepared for me. I was led into a room beside the church. Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind, clamping his filthy hands around my breasts. I was alarmed. I turned around to find the prophet and pushed him off, asking if this was his idea of doing God’s work.
He mumbled some spiritual jargons and lunged for me again. I slapped his face, threatening to scream and draw the attention of other workers in the compound. Quickly, he apologized and said he was tempted by the devil. He said he’d been watching me and wondering why such a beautiful girl like me would be finding it difficult to get a husband, and swore that it was the work of my mother’s enemies. He promised to defeat them for me. I quickly wore my clothes and bade him goodbye. All the way home, I kept thinking about what could have happened between me and the prophet. I had been hearing of these prophets luring women into their beds but I used to think that the women must have asked for it. When it happened to me, I realised that I was wrong.
His charm had either failed or he had not bothered to use one, believing that I would be an easy prey. It was after this experience that I resolved to surrender everything to God. I became born again and rededicated myself to my work, my family and the church. When I turned 40, with the support of my pastor I was able to convince my parents and moved into my own apartment. Until God perfected my own miracle”. Congratulations once again, dear Omo, as you step into your new world!! It is well with you.
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